Shockingly, I have people in my inner circle who do NOT agree with my personal life philosophy. Topics that I feel are no-brainers, like eating organic healthy food, preventive medicine, avoiding processed foods & sugary drinks, nurturing our environment, global human and animal rights – issues that are quite apparent when you get in touch with the “we” of the heart and move away from the “I” of the ego. During these frequent heated discussions, I have noticed a tactic that is prevalent in our conversations. I enter the conversation wanting to find a compassionate ear to discuss my passions, frustrations, and inspirations. I find someone who is in opposition of whatever I am saying, no matter what the topic. A person who thrives on authoritarian confrontation and whose favorite argument style is a phenomena that I refer to as the 3Ds – Deny, Deflect, and Discredit. The conversation goes something like this:
DENIAL that my topic is even an issue, let alone a serious one. As a Scorpio, once the denial card has been tossed on the table, I seem to lose all sense of choosing a less confrontational route, and immediately hop on my soap box and begin expounding my viewpoints like an overzealous evangelistic preacher.
This leads right into DEFLECTING my topic with: “Well, if you feel that is an issue what about blah, blah, blah . . . ??” (insert any topic that has absolutely nothing to do with the current discussion)
and finally we land on my favorite, DISCREDIT whatever I am saying by insinuating any source I have used is obviously wrong – “where are you getting your facts? bleeding heart liberals R us??” At this point, I realize that I have jumped on an all to familiar hamster wheel and I am running at high speed and going nowhere.
My epiphany? The person who I am in constant conflict with, has no desire to listen or even try to comprehend what I am saying. It is not about the issues. It is about winning and being right and I have been engaging over and over in a behavior that is destroying my peace of mind and creating an environment of conflict. Through my desire to live from my heart, my ego has highjacked a free ride disguised as RIGHTEOUSNESS. To continue this conflict day after day can only be summed up by the way overused definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The result will be the same every time. The quality I want most in my life, peace of mind, will quickly fly away as soon as I take that first step towards my soapbox.